このブログの元になっているのは、こんなスラング一覧です。
やってみませんか？ 勿論、英語での検索になりますけど、面白いですよ
| 3H enema - Enema that is "high, hot, and a hell of a lot." Reputedly given to patients who give staff a hard time. |
| 3P’s - Pill, Permissiveness and Promiscuity (relates to female patients with sexually transmitted disease) |
| 4F - Fair, fat, female and forty OR fat, forty-ish, flatulent female (both mean abdominal pain patient who is candidate for gall bladder disease) |
| 4H - (US) Haemophiliac, Hispanic, Homosexual, Heroin addict |
| 404 moment – On card rounds - when a patient’s medical records cannot be located (from internet error message: 404 Page Not Found) |
| 5-H-1-T - polite medical term for shit |
| 10th Floor Transfer - dying (floor number is always the next number on from the highest floor in the hospital). |
| 45C - patient is one chromosome short of a full set (thick) |
| AAA (or Triple A): Ay Ay Ay. Precursor to Status Hispanicus. Wound-up Hispanic female unable to tolerate even the small discomfort of removing an adhesive plaster, but not yet full-blown histrionics. |
| AALFD - Another A**hole Looking For Drugs |
| Acades vulgaris - medical students. |
| Acronymophilia - excessive reliance on TLAs /TLMs & XTLMs (extended 3 letter acronyms) |
| Acute Lead Poisoning - Gunshot wound |
| (Acute Lead Poisoning) 185 grain Injection - 9mm gunshot wound |
| (Acute Lead Poisoning) 240 grain Injection 44 calibre magnum wound |
| (Acute Lead Poisoning) Air-conditioned - Multiple gun shot wounds |
| Acute Hyponicotaemia - desperate for nicotine fix (cigarette) |
| Acute Pneumoencephalopathy - airhead |
| Adminisphere - where hospital managers work, reckoned to be "another planet" |
| Administrivia - pointless emails and notices that clog up real medical work |
| ADR - Ain’t Doing Right |
| AFU & BR - all f***ed up & beyond repair |
| AGA - Acute Gravity Attack (fell over) |
| Aggressive Euthanasia - A procedure that obnoxious patients would benefit from. |
| ALFI(e) - (Australia) Adelaide's Largest F*cking Idiot |
| AGMI - Ain't Gonna Make It (won't survive) |
| Agnostication - Substitute for prognostication; describes the usually vain attempt to answer the question: "How long have I got, doctor?” |
| AHF - Acute Hissy Fit |
| Airwolf - air-ambulance (after a popular US TV series) |
| Albatross - chronically ill patient who will remain with a doctor until one or other of them expire |
| ALC - a la casa (send the patient home) |
| ALS - Absolute Loss of Sanity (nutcase) |
| Amphoterrible - Amphotericin B, an antifungal medication with toxic side-effects |
| Amyoyo syndrome - Alright motherf*****, you're on your own (seen in head injury patients in Intensive Care); there will be no miracle recovery |
| Angel lust - a male corpse with an erection (not uncommon). Is also sometimes used to mean death that occurred during intercourse. |
| AOB - Alcohol On Board |
| APD - Acute Prozac Deficiency (depression) |
| Appy - person with suspected appendicitis |
| APRS - (US) Acute Puerto Rican syndrome (bouts of screaming and yelling) |
| APTFRAN - Apply Pillow To Face, Repeat As Necessary (for annoying patient) |
| AQP - Assuming the Q Position: deteriorating or dying with tongue hanging out |
| AQR - Ain't Quite Right |
| Arsenic in antifreeze - Melarsoprol (IV sleeping sickness drug) is exactly this! |
| ART - Assuming/Approaching Room Temperature (dead) |
| Ash Cash - money for signing a cremation form |
| Ash Point - where you collect the Ash Cash |
| Ass Grapes - badly thrombosed or strangulated haemorrhoids |
| Assmosis - promotion by "kissing ass" |
| AST - Assuming Seasonal Temperature (dead) |
| ATD - (US) Acute Tylenol Deficiency (simple fever or head cold) |
| ATFO - Asked To F*** Off |
| ATS - Acute Thespian Syndrome: faking illness; known in US as MGM syndrome |
| Aunt Minnie Lesion - once seen, never forgotten, much like certain aunts at the family wedding |
| AWTB/AWTF - Away With The Birds/Away With The Fairies; a patient who is totally confused |
| Ax(e) - surgeon |
| B-52 - combined 5mg of Haldol IV + 2mg of Ativan IV |
| Baby catcher - obstetrician |
| Babygram -x-raying (radiographing) a newborn |
| Bagged and Tagged (B&T) - Body ready for dispatch to morgue |
| Bagrinhos - (Brazil) interns ("bullheads" - type of fish that gets in the way of real fishing) |
| Banana - patient with jaundice |
| Basement admission - will end up in hospital morgue (located in the hospital basement) |
| Bash Cash: the money paid for completing accident (insurance) claim forms in A&E |
| BBCS - Bumps, Bruises, Cuts and Scrapes (i.e. no serious injuries) |
| BBL Sign (Belly-button Lint Sign) - male, middle-aged, overweight and hairy (an umbilicus that looks like the lint [fluff] trap in a tumble dryer is most common in overweight, hairy, older men). Known as Belly-button Fluff in Britain |
| Beached whale - obese patient unable to do much for him/herself except lie there with flailing arms and legs |
| Beating off Angels - doing CPR in vain on a patient who won't make it |
| Benny - patient on benefit (welfare payments) |
| Betty - a patient with diabetes |
| BFH - Brat From Hell (usually accompanied by PFH - Parent(s) from Hell) |
| BFH - Big F****ing Head; hydrocephalus as in a "FLK with a BFH" (can be metaphorical for arrogant consultant) |
| BIT - burp in transit (gas seen in the stomach on an abdominal film) |
| Black cloud - a doctor who attracts difficult or prolonged cases or an unusually high number of code blues calls |
| Blade - Surgeon: dashing, bold, arrogant and often wrong, but never in doubt |
| Blamestorming - apportioning of blame for mistakes, usually to any locum or lowliest medic in sight |
| Blinky the Fish - radiologist (The 3-eyed, mutant goldfish from The Simpsons is the mascot of many radiology depts). |
| Blood-Brain Barrier - surgical drapes |
| Blood Suckers - those who take blood samples, e.g. lab techs |
| Blown Mind - gunshot wound to the head. |
| Blue Bloater - obese person in respiratory arrest |
| Blue Blower - patient with severe lung disease |
| Blue Pipe - vein (as opposed to 'red pipe' or artery) |
| BMT - Bowel-Movement Taco (faecal matter trapped in female genitalia) |
| BMW - Bitch Moan & Whine |
| Bobbing for apples - unblocking a badly constipated patient with one's finger |
| BOHICA - Bend Over, Here It Comes Again |
| Bone Break Need Fix - derogatory term for Orthopaedics |
| Boneheads - orthopaedics |
| Bones and Groans - non-specialist general hospital |
| BoneHo - an off-service resident working in Orthopedics |
| Boogie or Goober - tumour. A Roasted Goober is a tumour after intensive cobalt treatment; a Healthy Goober is a dead tumour patient. |
| Bordeaux - bloodstained urine |
| Bottle return - removing a bottle lodged in the anal canal |
| Bounce - returning a turfed patient back to original dept (see also turf and buff) |
| Bounceback - a (usually turfed) patient who keeps returning to the hospital with same condition |
| Box - to die |
| Brain Fry - Electroconvulsive Therapy (ECT) for depression |
| Bronze John's Law - (paediatrics) if the weight of the records exceeds the weight of the child, the prognosis is grim |
| Brothelizer test - microbiology test (on swab or sample) requested by the Genito-Urinary Clinic or STD clinic to check for sexually transmitted diseases. A positive test result means the patient has "failed the brothelizer test". |
| Brothel Sprouts - Genital warts |
| Brown trout - a stool that won't float (as opposed to an air biscuit, which does) |
| BSS - Bilateral Samsonite Syndrome: patient admitted with both their bags packed in preparation |
| BTSOOM - Beats The Sh*t Out Of Me |
| Buff - re-hash the patient's story to make it sound more appropriate for the patient to be referred to another dept (see also turfing and bouncing) |
| Buff Up - to ready a patient for release |
| Bug Juice - antibiotics |
| Bugs in the rug - pubic lice |
| Bull in the ring - blockage in the large intestine |
| Bumps and Lumps - junior doctor (intern) cases |
| BUNDY - But Unfortunately Not Dead Yet |
| Bungee jumper - a patient who pulls on his catheter tube |
| Bunnies - Sanitary Towels (sanitary napkins) |
| Bunny Boiler - (Psych) dangerously obsessive or unbalance woman (based on film "Fatal Attraction") |
| Burger - sunburned patient with ruptured blisters |
| Bury the Hatchet - accidently leave a surgical instrument inside a patient. |
| Butchers - Obstetrics & Gynaecology (also general derogatory term for surgeons) |
| BVA - Breathing Valuable Air |
| BWCO - Baby Won't Come Out (needs Caesarian) |
| C/C- "Cancel Christmas" (dead) |
| C2 - a "can't c**t"; lazy physician who passes off work to colleagues and often whine |
| C&T Ward - Coma ward - "cabbages and turnips" |
| Cabbage - heart bypass i.e. CABG (Coronary Artery Bypass Graft) |
| Cabbage and tomato ward - Ward for comatose patients |
| Calcified Penisitis Morbidium - male patient whose ailment is due to excessive or unprotected sex |
| Callbellectomy - minor operation, sadly not permitted, to remove over-used call bell from patient's hand/reach! |
| Call Button Jockey/Buzzer Junkie - patient that uses call button all night long for no good reason. |
| Calling Doctor Blue [to location] - public address system code for"baffling case needing more doctors to take a look in the hope that one of them will know what to do" |
| Captain Kangaroo - chairman of a paediatrics department. |
| Category 6 Patient - Triage is Cat 1 (major) to Cat 5 (minor) so Cat 6 means a timewaster |
| Cath Jockey - cardiologist that catheterizes every patient they see (or one that does cardiac catherizations) |
| CATS- Cut all to sh*t |
| Caveman - Derogatory term for Orthopaedic surgeons “so easy a caveman could do it”. Derived from an advert |
| CBT - Chronic Burger/Biscuit Toxicity (obesity) |
| cc - Complaint Corner, a patient that complains about everything; BCC is one that behaves nicely to medical staff and complains behind their backs (from business acronyms for carbon copy and blind carbon copy) |
| CCFCCP - Coo-coo for Co-Co Puffs (dementia or similar) |
| Ceiling Sign - near-levitation from the bed to the ceiling induced by examining for abdominal tenderness |
| Celestial discharge - died |
| Celestial transfer - died (transferred to the Eternal Care Unit) |
| Cephosplat - Domestos Antibiotic; Kills all known germs |
| CFT - Chronic Food Toxicity i.e. obesity |
| CFU - Complete(ly) F*ck(ed) Up |
| Champagne tap - bloodless lumbar tap |
| Chandelier's Sign - The result of any test or probing after which the patient must be removed from the chandelier |
| CHAOS - Chronic Hurts All Over Syndrome (PTSD/Fibromyalgia, etc.) |
| Chart Biopsy - check chart for other depts' plans on the patient |
| Chart Dehiscence - drop patient chart and everything falls out. |
| Chartomegaly - patient is so frequent s/he has a large (and growing) chart |
| Cheerioma - a patient with a highly aggressive, malignant tumour |
| CHIBLOC - Closed Head Injury, Brief Loss of Consciousness |
| Chocolate Hostage - constipated |
| Choly / Chole - patient with cholecystitis (inflammation of the gallbladder) or cholecystectomy patient. |
| Chrome Induced Ischaemia - patient that develops inexplicable chest pains when arrested and handcuffed |
| Chronic Slapping Deficiency - annoying/unruly family members hitting nurse's call button every 5 minutes with minor requests/inane questions or for fun |
| CIBS - Cast Iron Bum/Butt Syndrome: when the needle goes into the buttocks straight, but comes out curved |
| CKS - cute kid syndrome |
| Clip and Strip - remove staples and adhesive sutures |
| CLL - chronic Low Life |
| CLOMI - Cat Like Observation and Masterful Inactivity (patient under observation) |
| Clupea fallacius rufus - red herring |
| Cock Doc- urologist |
| Cockroach Factor - a patient's ability to survive trauma or serious treatment is inversely proportional to his contribution to society (see TTI). |
| Code 0 - (Ambulance) Time-waster/tax-waster (genuine codes are Code 1 [non-serious] to Code 4 [emergency]) |
| Code Azure - message to other medics to do nothing extraordinary to save a very ill patient who will die shortly no matter what is done |
| Code Brown - faecal incontinence emergency (e.g. of bedlinen) |
| Code Pink (Triangle) - a likely homosexual (used back when HIV/Aids tests took a while to come back) |
| Code Pink (Paediatric) - baby taken without permission from maternity/nursery by family or staff |
| Code Surfer - medic straddling the patient on trolly (gurney) performing chest compressions while patient is being transported |
| Code Yellow - urinary incontinence emergency |
| Coffee and a Newspaper - Patient is Constipated (i.e. long time sitting on toilet with drink and reading matter) |
| Coffin Dodger - survived against expectations, or a very old person |
| Cold-tea Sign/Cold Tea Syndrome - refers to the several cups of cold tea on the bedside cabinet beside a dead geriatric (i.e. no-one noticed the patient had died) |
| COPD - Chronic Old Persons Disease (unwell, no specific cause) |
| COSMONAUT - Cat Owner, Smells, Made Of Nuts And Used Tampons ("mad cat lady" with poor hygiene and body odour) |
| Crackerjack referral - (UK) It's Friday, it's five to five, it's... (Crackerjack was a popular TV show) i.e. Friday afternoon job |
| CRAFT - Can’t Remember A F*cking Thing |
| Cranial rectosis - US: butthead (US term for idiot); UK: head-up-ass (arrogant/arrogant fool) |
| Cranio-faecal Syndrome - s**thead or s**t for brains |
| CRAP Score - Cynical Real Alternative Pain Score - an alternative method of scoring pain (see foot of page) |
| Creepers - geriatrics using walkers and wheelchairs |
| CRI - Cranial-Rectal Insertion or Cranial-Rectal Inversion (head-up-ass syndrome) |
| Crinkly - geriatric |
| Crispy critter - severe burns case |
| CROACC - Cannot Rule Out Anything, Correlate Clinically |
| Crock - Hypochondriac. |
| Crook-U - Prison Ward in a hospital (slang to match ICU - Intensive Care Unit etc) |
| Crop Rotation - Ambulance shuttle service from nursing home to surgery and back again |
| CRS - Can’t Remember Sh*t |
| CRT - Can't Really Treat |
| Crumble (crumbly) - elderly patient |
| Crump - (UK) RTA [Road Traffic Accident], (US) crash; trying to die |
| Crump, Gork or Vedgy - Intensive care patient incapable of movement and apparently unaware of his surroundings. |
| CTD - Circling the Drain (Close To Death) |
| CTF - Cletus the Fetus (US). A 23 week, or earlier, births that parents expect to survive against all odds |
| CTS - Crazier than sh*t |
| Cuckoo - alternative term for CCU |
| C*nts and Runts - Maternity and Paediatrics |
| Cut and Paste - To open a patient, discover that there is no hope, and immediately sew him up (or almost immediately - sometimes young surgeons practice surgical techniques for a while). |
| CYA - Cover Your Ass; unnecessary procedure/prescription done to avoid being sued |
| D&D - Divorced and Desperate (middle aged female who visits doctor weekly just for male attention) |
| D&D - Death and Donuts (night shift) |
| Dagenham - (psychiatry) or "Three Stops Beyond Barking": severely disturbed/mad (based on British train station names) |
| DACB - (US) Drunk As Cooter Brown (UK equivalent is PAAF/PIAF) |
| Dance (or Gown Dance) - the process of tying a surgical gown behind the surgeon's back (requires a 180-degree spin by the surgeon: Shall we dance?) |
| Dandruff on wheels - scabies or other transmissible flaky skin condition |
| DBI - Dirt Bag Index: number of tattoos x number of missing teeth = days since the patient last bathed |
| Death Camp - terminal nursing home |
| Death Star - that ward in every hospital where patients go to die |
| De-coke and Re-bore - Dilatation and curettage (gynae) op |
| Deep fry - cobalt therapy (radiation therapy) |
| Dement - Alzheimer patient |
| DENTIST - Doesn't Even Need Treatment - It's Sorted, Truly |
| Departure lounge - geriatric ward |
| Dermaholiday - nickname for dermatology dept used by staff in busier depts |
| DFO - (1) (US) Done Fell Out (anything from fainting to cardiac arrest) |
| DFO - (2) Drunk and Fell Over |
| DFO-SFJ - Done Fell Out - Screaming For Jesus |
| DIFFC - Dropped In For Friendly Chat (i.e. no medical problem) |
| Digging for Worms - varicose vein surgery |
| DIIK - Darned if I know |
| DILF - Doctor I'd Like to F*** (Fornicate with): Nursing slang for good-looking doctor |
| DILLIGAF - Do I Look Like I Give A F*ck |
| Dirtball - patient who enters the emergency room filthy and smelling badly |
| Discharged downstairs - transferred to the morgue |
| Disco Biscuit – Quaaludes (1980s), Estasy (2000s) |
| Dishwasher - sterilization machine |
| DKA - Don't/Doesn't Know Anything (but is explained to relatives as Diabetic Ketoacidosis if challenged) |
| DMFNFL - Dumb mother f*cker, not fit to live |
| Doc In A Box - a small clinic/health centre, with ever-changing staff. |
| Doing the Twirly - circling the drain (about to die) |
| Donorcycle - motorbike: the biggest cause of donated organs! (hence reckless motorcyclists are known as Organ Donors and rainy days are Donation Days) |
| Donut of Death - CT scanner |
| Doorknob Rounds - the entire presentation takes place in 5 seconds while the consultant's hand never leaves the doorknob to the entrance of the patient's room (US hospitals have small single occupancy rooms) |
| Dose of I Don't Care - pain-killing meds that make patient light-headed |
| Dose of I Don't Remember - pain-killing meds that leave patient without memory of painful procedure |
| Dose Sponge - Radiology Worker |
| DOTS- dead on the spot (of an accident), also FDOTS (F*cking Dead On The Spot) |
| Double bind trial - Two orthopods looking at an electrocardiogram |
| Double Whopper with Cheese - Obese female with genital thrush |
| Double Whopper with Mayo - obese female with vaginal discharge |
| Double Whopper with Ketchup - obese female with blood-stained vaginal discharge (often post-natal) |
| Doughnut - CT scanner |
| DPP - (Brazil) leave patient for the next shift to deal with ("Deixa para o Próximo Plantão") |
| DPS - Dumb Parent Syndrome |
| DPS - (General Practice) Droopy Penis Syndrome: a patient wanting Viagra prescription |
| DPS - (Hospital) Disappearing Penis Syndrome: the usual reaction of the male organ in response to insertion of catheter or endoscope |
| DQ - Drama Queen |
| Dr Feelgood - a doctor who is indiscriminate about prescribing drugs |
| Drinkectomy - separating a drunk from his can of lager (performed in A&E dept) |
| Drooler - catatonic patient. |
| Drop a Lung - when medical treatment causes a pneumothorax |
| DRT - Dead Right There (patient dead at scene of accident) |
| DRTTTT - Dead Right There, There, There and There (patient dead and in multiple parts at scene of accident) |
| DSB - Drug-Seeking Behaviour (faking illness to fuel narcotic addiction) |
| DSP - Dumb Sh*t Profile |
| DTMA - Don't Transfer to Me Again. |
| DTS - Danger To Shipping (in a particularly large patient's records) |
| DWPA - Death/Dying With Paramedic Assistance |
| DUB - Damn Ugly Baby |
| Duck - portable urinal for bedridden male hospital patients |
| Dude Factor - Survival scoring factor based on social worth. A high dude factor = an individual of questionable social worth who survives near-fatal injuries. A low dude factor = professional person who slips in the bathroom sustaining a fatal injury |
| Dump - patient that nobody seems to want (or to transfer a patient to another hospital); also a verb - arranging for patient to be off-loaded elsewhere |
| Dunlap Syndrome - belly done lapped over the waistband; obese (spare tyre, Dunlop being a brand of tyre) |
| DWPA - Death/Dying With Paramedic Assistance |
| Dys-Synaptogenic - stupid |
| Eating In - Intravenous feeding |
| Eating the Bill - (USA) providing care for indigent patients lacking insurance i.e. "We ate the bill on that guy." |
| ECU - Eternal Care Unit: heaven ("gone to the ECU = dead) |
| EDDU – eating drinking defecating urinating (but not much else) |
| EDGATWTTTF - Elevator Doesn't Go All The Way To The Top Floor (thick) |
| Eiffel Syndrome - (From I-fell on it) patient with a foreign object in the rectum |
| ELFs - Evil Little F*ckers (irritating children) |
| Embromed - (Brazil) imaginary health plan: postponement of solution through hoax. |
| Ego Boost Units - med students/junior doctors that follow a doctor |
| EMS - Earn Money Sleeping (joke at expense of Emergency Medical Service) |
| EMT - Extraordinary Masochistic Tendencies (joke at expense of Emergency Medical Technicians) |
| Engessar - (Brazil) to orient treatment so that the patient can't complain (literally "to place in a cast"). |
| ERCP - Emergency Retrograde Clerking of Patient, an emergency procedure before the consultant rounds |
| ERNOBW - Engine Running, No One Behind the Wheel (thick) |
| ESBAM - Eat s**t and Bark At the Moon (or "not ruddy likely" in British English) |
| Estropício - (Brazil) poor, unkempt obstetric patient ("jeopardy"). |
| Eternal Care - Intensive Care (for a patient who won't come out again) |
| ETOH - Extremely Trashed or Hammered (2 derivations given: corruption of "Etho" [ethanol addict] or from "EtOH" [chemistry abbreviation for ethanol]) |
| Expensive care - intensive care |
| Expensive Scare - intensive care |
| FABIANS - Felt Awful But I'm Allright Now Syndrome |
| FAC - F*cking Awkward Client |
| Faecal Encephalopathy - Sh*t for brains |
| Fallaciopisces rufus - red herring |
| Family Care Plan - One child gets the sniffles, whole family gets a trip to A&E |
| Fanger - oral surgeon |
| Fascinectomy - long, but fascinating procedure |
| Fascinoma - Interesting pathology, but not as interesting as the ensuing politics over who gets first authorship when the case is written up |
| Father Jack - (the drunken old priest in Father Ted), confused and elderly patient who constantly shouts and tries to get out of bed |
| FCBP - Fellow of the College of Bystander Physicians i.e. doctor having a look-see |
| FD - F*cking drunk |
| FDGM - Fall Down, Go Boom (see LOLFDGB) |
| FDSTW - Found Dead Stayed That Way |
| Feather Count - measure of flakiness (e.g. high feather count) |
| Feed and Seed - care for vegetative patients in "the garden" |
| Feet-up General - a quiet district hospital |
| FFDID - Found Face Down In Ditch |
| FFDIG - Found Face Down In Gutter |
| FFF - see 4F (Fat, Fair, Female, Forty = gall bladder disease) |
| FHHS - (US) Female Hispanic Hysterical Syndrome (screaming and crying) |
| FIDO - F*ck It, Drive On (a waste of time/hoax ambulance all) |
| Fighting Darwin - patients refusing essential treatment through stubborness or stupidity |
| File 13 - The Trashcan |
| FINE - F*cked up , insecure, neurotic & emotional |
| Finger Wave - rectal exam |
| Fireballs of the Uticas - fibroids of the uterus |
| FIRT - Failed impact resistance test (crash victim) |
| Fish Filet - vaginal infection with discharge and odour |
| Fish Filet with Catsup/Ketchup - vaginal infection with discharge, odour and bleeding (e.g. post-natal) |
| FIT - fart in transit (gas seen in the intestines on an abdominal film) |
| FITH - F***ed in the head |
| Fluttering Eye Syndrome - Patient faking unconsciousness |
| FLBs - those "Funky Looking Beats" found on an EKG that no one can figure out |
| FLB - Funny Little Bumps (unexplained skin bumps) |
| Flea - (US) internists, (UK) ethnic nurses (used in 1970s during an influx of imported healthcare staff) i.e. "they get everywhere" |
| FLK - Funny Looking Kid (sometimes suggests rural inbreeding) |
| FLK w/ GLM - Funny Looking Kid with a Good Looking Mother |
| FLKBCOTP - Funny Looking Kid But Check Out The Parents |
| FLKOFS - Funny Looking Kid, Okay For Sunderland (one of many regional variants of NFN [Normal For Norfolk]) |
| Floating - how ghosts (i.e. med students) get from "here" to "there." |
| Flower Sign - flowers at a bedside, denotes patient has a supportive family and might be candidate for early discharge |
| FLP - Funny Looking Parents (hereditary cause suspected for FLK) |
| FLUF - Funny Little Ugly F*cker |
| Fluttering Eye Syndrome - Patient faking unconsciousness |
| FMPS - Fluff My Pillow Syndrome (attention/sympathy seeker), like Call Button Jockey |
| FOALS NEIGH - F*ck Off And Let Someone Not Extremely Incompetent Get Here |
| FOB - Found on Bench |
| FODE - Falling On Deaf Ears |
| FOL, GOL, FOS - Fat Old Lady, Gone off Legs, Full Of S**t. Confused elderly female, unable to exercise at home, now unable to move unaided and badly constipated as a result (see also Toxic Confusional State). |
| Fonzie - Unflappable medic (Fonzie was the unltra-cool character in TV series Happy Days) |
| FOOBA - Found On Ortho Barely Alive (a play on FUBAR - F***ed Up Beyond All Recognition) |
| FOOSH - Fall Onto Outstretched Hand (as cause of broken wrist/arm) |
| FOOT - Flat Out On Tarmac (e.g. biker gone down in full flight) |
| FORD - Found On Road Dead |
| Foreverectomy - A surgical procedure that lasts a very long time |
| FOS - Full Of Sh*t (either severely constipated or metaphorically) |
| FOS - Found On Street: unidentified dead homeless person |
| FPO - For practice only (FTD) |
| FPT - (Brazil) beyond help, do not resuscitate ("Fora de Possibilidade Terapêutica"). |
| Frequent Flyer - Someone who is transported to and from hospital on a routine basis (also someone who spends more time at the local hospital then most employees and is known by all staff members including Environmental Services) |
| Freud Squad - psychiatrists |
| Friday construction - Anatomical equivalent of the cars made on Fridays, when the workers mind was more on the weekend than the job in hand |
| Fruit Salad - group of stroke patients, all unable to take care of themselves |
| FTD - Fixing To Die |
| FTF - Failed to Fly (botched suicide) |
| FUBAR - Fucked up beyond all repair/recognition |
| FUBIL - F**k You Buddy, I'm Leaving. The act of a doctor at a small hospital dumping a critically ill patient on larger hospital on Friday afternoon before he leaves for the weekend |
| Full Moon - full or overcrowded waiting room/A&E/ER |
| FUPA - Fat Upper Pussy Area |
| FURB - Funny, Unusual, Rectal Blockage (people who use inappropriate objects as butt-plugs) |
| Galloping amputations - gangrene spreading up a limb so more and more has to be removed in consecutive surgeries |
| Garden - neurosurgical intensive care ward, so called because of the "vegetables" found there. |
| Gardening - attending to patients in neurological intensive care. |
| Gassers OR Gas Passers - anaesthetists |
| Gatekeeper - General practice doctor whose role is to keep costs low by only allowing a certain number of patients to go to specialists |
| GDA - Gonna die anyway |
| Genital hurties - genital herpes |
| Geosphere - Dirt Ball (Geo = dirt + sphere = ball) |
| Gerifix - that collection of broad spectrum antibiotics, diuretics and bronchodilators prescribed to elderly patients admitted to hospitals in wintertime |
| Ghost - Derogatory term for med students; they are largely invisible, are absent during difficult situations, silent when asked for volunteers and stealthily evade hard work |
| GI Rounds - a meal (GI = gastrointestinal) |
| GLF - Ground Level Fall (tripped over) |
| GLM - Good Looking Mum |
| GMG - Gurnicht Mit Gurnicht; Yiddish for "nothing with nothing" (Israel; nonsense jargon used to pacify nervous patients) |
| GOA - Gone On Arrival (police turn up, ambulance turns up, fire brigade turns up, patient doesn't) |
| Goat Rodeo/Goat Rope - Emergency scene which goes badly (resembles a bunch of people riding or wrestling goats) |
| God's Waiting Room - intensive care unit and/or geriatric unit |
| GOK - God Only Knows |
| Goldbrick - patient who demands more attention than their (minor) condition warrants. |
| Golden ass - affluent mother who treats the obstetrics nurses like servants |
| Golden Child - jaundiced youngster |
| GOLP - Generalised Old Lady Pains |
| GOMER - Get Out of My Emergency Room; extended to mean elderly patient who is unable to communicate their symptoms and passed from one department to another |
| Gomergram - Ordering all available tests because the person is unable to explain what is wrong with them |
| Gone Camping - patient in oxygen tent |
| Goober - nutter |
| Gorillacillin - very powerful antibiotic |
| GORK - God Only Really Knows |
| Gork - comatose or brain dead |
| Gorked - unresponsive and nonverbal, either due to sedation or medical condition |
| Gorked Out - mental impairment through disease or substance abuse |
| Go to Ground - fall out of bed or chair |
| Go to Meet Joe Black/Consult Joe Black - die |
| Gown's Sign, positive - a patient who leaves (self-discharge ) without official discharge orders |
| GPH - Goddamns Per Hour |
| GPO - Good for Parts Only (won't survive) |
| GRAFOB - Grim Reaper At Foot Of Bed |
| GRAHOB - Grim Reaper At Head Of Bed |
| Granny Dumping - dumping elderly relative in A&E; often happens just before Christmas or family holiday aka the hospital granny-sitting service |
| Granny Farm - old persons' residential home, run by a Granny Farmer |
| Grape Sign - grapes at a bedside, denotes patient has a supportive family and might be candidate for early discharge |
| Grapes - haemorrhoids |
| Gravity Assisted Concrete Poisoning - jumped/fell from height |
| Gridiron Belly - scarred from multiple ops |
| GROLIES - (UK) Guardian Reader Of Low Intellect In Ethnic Skirt |
| GTMJACB - Gone To Meet Jesus, Ain't Coming Back (dead) |
| GTO - Gomer tip over (elderly person with injury from trip or fall) |
| GTTL - Gone to the light (died) |
| GUCCI - Genito-Urinary Clinc, Chlamydial Infection (posh female with sexually transmitted chlamydial infection) |
| Guessing tubes - stethoscope |
| Gun and Rifle Club - Trauma ward full of gunshot and stabbing victims |
| Gutectomy - major gastro-intestinal surgery; also abdominal fat removal (such as liposuction) |
| Guts and Butts - general surgery |
| HAIRY PSALMS - Haven't Any Idea Regarding Your Patient, Send A Lot More Serum |
| Hallucinoma - a mass seen on a scan or x-ray that wasn't really there |
| HALS - Hit And Left Standing (apparently uninjured but in shock after RTA/MVA) |
| Hamburger (Helper) - Train or juggernaut vs pedestrian |
| Hammer - local anesthetic |
| Hammered - to get numerous admissions while on call |
| Handbag positive - confused patient (usually elderly lady) lying on hospital bed clutching handbag |
| Happy feet - (US) patient having a grand mal epileptic seizure (in UK, Happy feet means smelly feet (feet which "hum" [stink]) |
| Happy Little Campers - children in oxygen tents |
| Hasselhoff – emergency patient with bizarre explanation for their injury (David Hasselhoff's had a bizarre shaving accident in which he hit his head on a chandelier; the broken glass severed 4 tendons and an artery in his right arm) |
| Hat Trick - trauma patient with 3 tubes into him |
| HBD - Has Been Drinking or He Be Dead |
| Head - a brain-injury patient. Usage - "I’ve got a head I’ve got to deal with." |
| Head Bonk - an otherwise uninjured patient who was struck on the head and presented at A&E just to be sure |
| Head whack - head injury |
| Healthy Goober - dead tumour patient. |
| Hearts and Farts - unit specialising in geriatrics and cardiology |
| Heel Elevation Ataxia - a woman who appears staggering drunk, but is sober (or slightly tipsy) and can't walk on seriously high stiletto heels |
| Hepatology Conference - doctors meeting at a pub or bar (no late appointments, I'm going to a hepatology conference) |
| Hey Docs (or Haydock) - alcoholics handcuffed to wheelchairs in big-city medical wards who chorus "Hey, Doc! when they see a white coat" (sometimes disguised as "Haydock" which is a UK placename) |
| Hepatology Conference - doctors meeting at a pub or bar (no late appointments, I'm going to a hepatology conference) |
| Hi 5 - HIV positive ("V" being Roman for 5) |
| HIBGIA - Had it before, got it again |
| High Serum Porcelain Level - Patient is a crock of sh*t |
| High Slug Titre - lazy patient (slug) that won't get out of bed |
| High Speed Lead Injection - gunshot |
| Hippo - Hypochondriac or depressive |
| Hit and Run - the act of operating quickly so as not to be late for another engagement (often a non-medical appointment). |
| HIVI - Husband Is Village Idiot |
| HMF - Hysterical Mother Figure |
| HMO - From phrase, "Hey, Moe!", a concept pioneered by Dr Moe Howard, who discovered that a patient could be made to forget about the pain in his foot if he was poked hard enough elsewhere. Modern "pokes" with same outcome include estimates for private treatment. |
| HMS: Hysterical Mexican Syndrome |
| HOPEFUL - Hard-up Old Person Expecting Full Useful Life (i.e. OAPs are not priority for most hospitals) |
| Hole-in-One - A gunshot wound through the mouth or rectum. |
| Hollywood code - see Slow Code |
| HONDA - Hypertensive, Obese, Non-compliant, Diabetic African-American |
| HOP - house of pain (nursing home) |
| Hope'n'Scope - exploratory laparoscopy where you hope to find no disease (unless you're the student, in which case you hope to see something interesting) |
| Horrendoectomy - a long and painful procedures |
| Horrendoma- an awful unknown disease |
| Horrendoplasty - A god-awful surgery with a probable poor outcome e.g. difficult operation for 12 hours on a patient with a BMI of 45 |
| Hospital Hobo Syndrome - person who visits multiple hospitals seeking attention or accommodation |
| Hospitalismo - (Brazil) Revolving-door patient (in-and-out-and-in ....). |
| Hospital pilantrópico (Brazilo) - (sarcasm) dubiously charitable hospital where profits outweigh philanthropy. |
| House red - blood |
| HP - Hispanic Panic (see tachylordia) |
| HTD - Higher Than a Duck |
| HTK - Higher Than a Kite |
| HTT(A) - Hot Tots and Twats (Area): Paediatrics & Ob/Gyn wing of hospital |
| Humpty-dumpty doctor - a physiotherapist or rehabilitation doctor (from the nursery rhyme verse "all the king's horses and all the king's men could not put humpty together again") |
| HVLT - High Velocity Lead Poisoning: gunshot wound |
| Hypoxanaxemia - patient with anxiety symptoms (Xanax deficiency) |
| Icing on the Cake - lethal tumor discovered in the X-rays of a heart attack victim. |
| I fell on it - (also Eiffel Syndrome) universal explanation given by a patient with a foreign object in the rectum |
| Imaginascope - what you use during radiology rounds to see the lesion the clinician is showing you but you don't see |
| Improving His Claim - Victim of minor accident, needs no treatment but wants something to support his insurance/legal claim. |
| Inbreds - doctors whose parents are also doctors |
| Incarcaphobia - patient is hypochondriac prisoner who prefers hospital to jail cell |
| Incarceritis - becoming dubiously ill when arrested or in court |
| Incidentaloma - a usually benign mass (needing removal) found on a scan while looking for something else entirely |
| Infernal Medicine - Internal Medicine department |
| Insurance Pain - Neck pain secondary to a minor car bump |
| Insurance Whiplash - Neck pain secondary to a minor car bump |
| Interesting Case - A patient transferred from a non-specialist hospital who is an unmitigated disaster with no accompanying chart or documentation |
| International House of Pancakes - neurology ward full of patients (usually stroke victims) all babbling in a different language. |
| Intubate Junior/Intubate Willy - catheterise a man (often results in DPS - Disappearing Penis Syndrome) |
| ISQ - In Status Quo ("no change"): often used during the weekend surgical round |
| ITBNTL - In The Box, Nail The Lid (dead or dying) |
| IWB - Intercourse With Biscuits (F**king Crackers) |
| Jack Bauer - a doctor still up and working after 24 hours (after character in "24") |
| JAFFA - Just Another Fat, F***ing Administrator |
| Jailitis - becoming dubiously ill while in custody or in a jail cell |
| Janitor's fracture - a fracture so obvious that a janitor (cleaner) could diagnose it |
| JAR or JAR Syndrome – Just Ain’t Right (often used when a patient has multiple issues) |
| JDFR - Just Doesn't Feel Right - most common complaint of LOL's (Little Old Ladies) and SOG's (Sick Old Guys) |
| JDLR - Just Doesn't Look Right (something is wrong, but no diagnosis has been made yet) |
| JIC - Jesus is calling |
| JLD - Just Like Dad (often used to explain an FLK) |
| JNR- Just Not Right (something is wrong, but no diagnosis has been made yet) |
| John Thomas sign (UK), Johnson's Sign (US) - according to tradition, the side that the penis (John Thomas, Johnson) points to (if visible on x-ray) will have an abnormality (see also Throckmorton sign). |
| Journal of Anecdotal Medicine - favourite, but unwritten, source of medical wisdom |
| J P FROG - Just Plain F***ing Ran Out Of Gas (old age etc) |
| JPS - Just Plain Stupid (self induced injury involving lack of common sense) |
| Kaiser Soze - Registrar with an uncanny ability to disappear (not answer phone or pager) when there is work to be done (from movie 'The Usual Suspects') |
| KFO - Knock the F*cker Out (patient either obnoxious or screaming in pain) |
| Kidney Stone Squirm - a spot diagnosis in A&E |
| Killing Fields - that ward in every hospital where patients go to die |
| Knife-happy - an overly enthusiastic surgeon |
| Knife and Gun Club - (US) local street gangs or criminal organizations that keep ER in business OR the emergency departments that care for patients with the results of street gang violence |
| Knuckledragger - Orthopedic Doctor/Surgeon |
| KOKO - Keep on Keeping on. |
| Lancelot - a medic who drains abscesses (called Pokemon in the USA) |
| Lantern Test - shine a torch in the subject's mouth and the eyes light up (no brain) |
| Larry - Locum, as in "doing a Larry" |
| Last Flea To Jump Off A Dead Dog - Oncologists (sometimes other disciplines) who seem unable to let people die with diginity |
| Laying Crepe - dismal prognosis (i.e. prepare the coffin) |
| LDF - Lying Down Fit |
| Leave 'Em Dead - Levofed (aka norepinephrine) , the drug given to cardiac patients to prop up their blood pressure until they die in the ambulance |
| Leeches - those who take blood samples, e.g. lab techs |
| Lerner/Bernstein Fracture - the injury suffered by a patient who is intent on suing someone over his trip or fall (Lerner/Bernstein are ambulance-chasing lawyers in one region). |
| LFTWM - Looking for 3 Wise Men (applied to young pregnant females who deny having had intercourse) |
| LGFD - looks good from door (but not closely examined, possibly an obnoxious patient) |
| LGFTC - looks good from the corridor (but not closely examined) |
| Lignocephalic - wooden-headed (i.e. dense [thick] or stubborn) |
| Lipstick Sign - if a female patient is well enough to put on, she is well enough to be discharged |
| Liver rounds - staff party, so called because of liver-damaging alcohol |
| LLS - Looks Like Sh*t |
| LMC - Low marble count (low IQ) |
| Load the Boat - call in senior medical staff as ass-covering exercise |
| LOBNH - Lights On But Nobody Home |
| Lobster - sunburned patient |
| LOFD - Looks Okay From Door |
| LOL - Little Old Lady |
| LOLFDGB - Little Old Lady, Fall Down, Go Boom |
| LOLINAD - Little Old Lady In No Acute Distress |
| LOLITS - US: Little Old Lady In Tennis Shoes (60+ year old); UK: Little Old Lady In Twin-Set (50-60 yera old) |
| Loop-the-loop - flamboyant surgical rearrangement of the intestines. |
| Loose Change - dangling limb in need of amputation. |
| LPT - Low pain threshold |
| LRO - Luck Ran Out (cheated death before, but not this time) |
| LWS - (US) Low Wallet Syndrome (No medical insurance or money) |
| M & Ms - mortality and morbidity conferences where medics discuss epidemics, mistakes and patient deaths |
| M sign - Patient just goes "Mmmm" |
| MacTilt - how a Macmillan nurse (cancer care nurse) tilts his or her head to convey sympathy |
| MAFAT (May-fat) - Mandatory Anasthaesia F**k Around Time, precedes any incision |
| Map of Antarctica - (NZ) appearance of fatal spontaneous brain haemorrhage on CT scan |
| MARPs - Mind Altering Recreational Pharmaceuticals |
| Marriageable Monster - young female patient who has successfully undergone major plastic surgery. |
| Masochist - Trauma surgeon; Sadomasochist - Neurosurgeon |
| Matern-a-taxi - when a pregnant woman calls an ambulance because the contractions are every 2 minutes, but she doesn't have a single contraction during a 30 minute journey to hospital |
| MCBP - Member of the College of Bystander Physicians i.e. doctor having a look-see |
| Meat hooks - surgical instruments. |
| Metabolic clinic - the tea room |
| Metal Poisoning - what a patient allegedly dies of when he's held together with staples (also gunshot wound) |
| Meth Mouth – common symptom in methamphetamine addicted patients |
| MFB - Measure for box |
| MFC - Measure For Coffin |
| MFD, CFD - Measure For Box, Call For Dirt (severely ill [or dead or nearly so]) |
| MFI - very large myocardial infarction |
| MGM syndrome - Faker putting on a real good show |
| Michelin's Disease/Disorder - multiple spare tyres (obese) |
| MICO - Masterly Inactivity and Catlike Observation |
| MICOS - Masterly inactivity, cat-like observation and steroids |
| Microdeckia - Micro = small, deck = deck of cards; patient playing with less that a full deck (low IQ) |
| MIDI - myocardial infarction during intercourse (heart attack during sex) |
| MILF - Mother I'd Like to F**k. US version of GLM who is also PHAT |
| Milk of Amnesia - Propofol |
| Mini me - Trainee or medical student who copies their senior colleague too much but doesn’t say a lot (from Austin Powers films) |
| Mobile Drip Stands - Fire Dept (often found at emergencies alongside paramedics) |
| MOFAT (Moh-fat) - Mandatory Orthopaedic F**k Around Time, precedes any incision (alternative to MAFAT) |
| Molar masher - dentist |
| Mononeuronis Asynapsis - thick (one neuron, not connected!) |
| MooMoo-Mover - the big blue sheet used for moving obese patients |
| Mow The Lawn/Trim the Hedge - remove a long line of sutures |
| MTF - Metabolize to Freedom (i.e., let the person sober up, and then they can leave) |
| MUH - Messed up heart |
| Mulambo - (Brazil) poor patients in public outpatient clinics (literally rag + beggar) |
| MU Pain - Made Up pain (especially for sick notes and insurance claims) |
| Mushroom syndrome - suffered by lowly medics who are kept in the dark and have crap piled on them |
| MVA Special - CT scan of head, neck, chest, abdomen and pelvis (on car crash patient) |
| MVA Special With Gravy (aka MVA Full Meal Deal) - MVA Special plus face |
| n=1 trial - polite term for experimenting on a patient |
| NAD - Not actually done |
| Nastioma – mass that looks like aggressive neoplasia |
| NARS - Not a rocket scientist (low IQ) |
| Nebulopathy- strange clinical signs with no "normal" disease apparent |
| Necrophiles - derogatory term for Pathologists (the love the dead) |
| Nectar of the Gods - coffee; without which many hospital services would shut down |
| Negative Wallet Biopsy - (US) patient transferred to cheaper hospital because s/he has no insurance/funds |
| NETMA - Nobody Ever Tells Me Anything (generally a doctor's gripe on a patient's chart) |
| Neuro-faecal Syndrome - s**t for brains |
| Neuron - Neurologist. |
| Neuroslavery - Derogatory term for Neurosurgery based on the extreme long hours compared to orthopaedic surgery |
| NFF - Normal Fae Fife (Scottish version of NFN below) |
| NFN - Normal for Norfolk (rural area, suggests inbreeding or quaint rural oddness), might explain FLK |
| NFP - Normal for Portsmouth - repeat abortion, said to be particularly rife in Portsmouth, Hampshire, UK (a sailing port) |
| NFR - Not For Resuscitation; used on elderly patients’ charts where the DNR (Do Not Resuscitate) instruction is without the knowledge of the patient themselves or their family |
| NGMI - Not Going to Make It |
| NKDA - Not known, didn’t ask |
| NLPR - No longer playing records (dying) |
| NOCTOR- Nurse tht has done a 6 week training course and acts like s/he's a Doctor |
| No Hopeamine - Dopamine |
| Not even in the ball game - confused, senile patient |
| NPS - New Parent Syndrome |
| NQR - Not Quite Right |
| NQRITH - Not Quite Right In the Head |
| NSA - Non-Standard Appearance (what a FLK grows into) |
| O sign - Patient unconscious with mouth open |
| OAP - Over-Anxious Patient |
| OB/GYN - actually means Obstetric/Gynaecology, rumoured to mean "Oh Boy-Got You Naked" |
| OBE - Open Both Ends (known in UK as DNV - Diarrhoea and Vomiting) |
| OBECALP - placebo (the rationale being that patients don't realise it's "placebo" in reverse) |
| OBS - Obvious bullsh*t |
| Obs and gobs - obstetrics and gynaecology |
| OCWTL - Overcome With The Lord (Tachylordia) |
| OFIG - One Foot In the Grave |
| OFIGATOOS - One Foot In the Grave And The Other One Slipping |
| Ohno-second - The time from making an error (e.g. dropping that hard-to-get sample immediately after you got it) to going "oh-no" |
| Oil slick - (1991, NZ) - appearance on CT scan of a porencephalic cyst |
| Old Man's Friend - (US) pneumonia, an illness which often carried off the elderly |
| Oligoneuronal - "few brain cells" i.e. thick (not very bright) (Note: In the UK, "dumb" means "mute") |
| OMGWTFBBQ - a person mangled in a car crash |
| Ooh-Aahs - Those who gather to gawk at an emergency and go "Oooh, Aaah" |
| OPD - Obnoxious Personality Disorder |
| Optorectomy- operation to disconnect the eyeball from the anus, due to such a sh*tty outlook on life |
| Organ recital - a hypochondriac’s medical history |
| Orthopod - orthopaedic doctor |
| Osteocephaly - boneheaded |
| Ostrich Treatment - pretend it's not there and hope it goes away |
| OTD&DDR - Out The Door and Down The Road. |
| OTDPDS - Out The Door Pretty Damn Soon |
| OTLP - n the launch pad (to be discharged to home) |
| Overpriced Carpenter - orthopaedic doctor |
| P4P - Penicillin for Prick (peniecille for penile discharge) |
| P5T/P-to-the-fifth (see PPPPP) - can also mean bad genetic material or syndromic patient with numerous medical system problems |
| PAAF - Pissed as a fart (also PIAF -PIssed as A Fart) |
| PAFO - Pissed [Drunk] And Fell Over |
| Paint - Betadine (medication) |
| Pale face - (Brazil) child with leukaemia/severe anaemia. |
| Paninvestigram - order all the tests; for when you haven't got a clue what's going on |
| Pan-man Scan - Whole body scan (e.g. after car crash) |
| Paperweight - (NZ) very small patient with severe congenital mental retardation |
| Papoterapia - (Brazil) to give the patient a pep talk, chitchat therapy ("papo" = chitchat). |
| Parentectomy - removing parents as an effective cure for a child's problems |
| Pathology consult - referral when the patient dies |
| Pathology outpatients - Follow-up for dead people |
| Paws Up - dead |
| PBAB - Pine Box At Bedside |
| PBABLTO - Pine Box at Bedside, Leave Top Off |
| PBTB - "pine box to bedside"; indicates an imminent demise |
| PBS - Pretty bad shape |
| PBOO - Pine Box On Order |
| PD - Pencil D**k. General US insult. It gets applied to lazy doctors who pass work on to their peers and should not be confused for that other PD, Program Director (US terminology) |
| Peanut Butter Balls - Phenobarbital |
| Pecker Checker - either a urologist or a sexual diseases doctor (also the ship's doctor in Naval slang) |
| Peek and Shriek - open a patient surgically, discover an incurable condition, and close the incision immediately |
| Pee Pee Docs - urology |
| PEFYC - Pre Extricated For Your Convenience (RTA victim that has gone through windscreen) |
| Penal Colony - renal ward/dept, especially when a superbug is on the loose |
| Percussive maintenance - the sharp tap/bang which cures faulty equipment |
| Permanent room - as in "He's here so often we should just give him his own room" |
| Pest control - term applied to psychiatrists by casualty officers |
| PFH - Parent(s) from Hell (custodians of BFH - Brat From Hell) |
| PFO - Pissed [Drunk] and Fell Over |
| PGT - Pissed [Drunk] and Got Thumped |
| Pharmaceutically Enhanced Personality - stoned or medicated |
| Pharmaceutically Gifted - admissions with altered mental states as a result of drug use |
| PHALS - Post-Harmless Accident Lawsuit Syndrome |
| PHAT - Pretty Hot and Tempting (warning to others) |
| PHD = Pakistani Healing Dance (a useless procedure performed for benefit of patient and family) |
| PIA - Pain in the ass |
| PIAF - PIssed as a fart (also PAAF -Pissed As A Fart) |
| Pediatron - paediatrician |
| PID - Pus In 'Dere (PID actually means Pelvic Inflammatory Disease) |
| PID shuffle - spot diagnosis in A&E (Pelvic Inflammatory Disease) |
| Pig In A Blanket - Patient (esp an overweight one) in Bed With Fevr |
| Piles - (at beach resort clinics), sunburn cases: angry, hot and red (better known as lobsters) |
| Pillow Consult - wanting to smother a difficult patient |
| Pillow positive - (Wales) patients who are repeated admissions for prolonged periods with no physiological cause of their problems. It is joked they go to hospital with their own pillows ready for admission |
| Pillow Therapy - describes the urge to smother annoying patient (aggressive euthanasia, tontine treatment). |
| PIMBA - (Brazil) swollen-footed, drunk, run-over beggar ("Pé Inchado Mulambo Bêbado Atropelado") |
| Pineboxatosis - collection of conditions which lead to transfer to the ECU, usually accompanied by PBTB with positive Q-sign or O-sign |
| Pink puffer - patient breathing rapidly due to lung disease |
| Pinky Cheater - Latex finger cover used in gynecological and proctological examinations. |
| Pit - the emergency room |
| PITA - Pain in the ass |
| Pitiático - (Brazil) patients feigning illness. |
| Plank Positive - stupid, as in "thick as 2 short planks" |
| Plano Pafúncio - (Brazil) alleged preferential treatment of relatives of hospital employees. |
| Player - complaining, irritating patient |
| Please Consult Us If New (Surgical) Issues Arise - please never page me again |
| Please Optimize Medical Treatment - don't call us until you've done your job first |
| PLH - Pray Long and Hard |
| PLTDP - Practice Limited To Dead People |
| Plumbii Pendulosus - swinging the lead (malingering) anecdotally used on medical certificates to be presented in Court, esp in Magistrates' Court where the Magistrate is known to the Doctor |
| Plumboscillation - swinging the lead (malingering) |
| Plumbum oscillans - Latin for "swinging the lead" (malingering) i.e seeking a sick note to take time off work |
| Pneumo-cephalic - airhead |
| PNR - person needed ride i.e. minor ailment but called ambulance instead of taxi |
| Podo-Oral - Foot in Mouth (i.e. put one's foot in it - rarely used BY senior staff, sometimes used ABOUT them) |
| Pokemon (pronounced Pokey-man) - the medic who drains abscesses (Lancelot (lance-a-lot) in the UK) |
| Policeman Lesion - lesion on an X-ray so obvious that a policeman would spot it |
| Poliesculhambado - (Brazil) multi-f*cked-up patient. |
| Polybabydaddia - a mother who presents to the ER (Casualty) dept with 8 or 9 kids in tow, most of whom were fathered by a different men |
| Polydipose Dysfunction - big, fat patient (polydipose being invented plural of adipose [fat]) |
| Pop Drop - granny dumping (dumping elderly relative at Casualty dept) |
| POPTA - Passed Out Prior To Arrival |
| Porcelain Level - fictitious blood test ordered to communicate to colleague that the patient is malingering (crock of sh*t) |
| Porch People, Walmart Greeters - Confused patients sitting in chairs in hall for close observation |
| PORG - Person Of Restricted/Retarded Growth (dwarf/midget) |
| Positive Blue Legs Sign - (US) resuscitation behind closed curtains (US ER medics wear blue scrubs) |
| Positive Gobbler - turkey i.e. faking illness to get out of drill (used by army medics) |
| Positive Hilton Sign - demanding patient expects Hilton Hotel luxury; indicates patient well enough to leave! |
| Positive Suitcase Sign - patients who are repeated admissions for prolonged periods with no physiological cause of their problems. They turn up at hospital with packed suitcases ready for admission |
| Possible This Possible That - consent form in case exploratory surgery |
| Post-Weekend Fatigue Syndrome - an ailment which presents at GP surgeries on Monday mornings |
| Pot Plant - person in a Persistant Vegetative State (often used in plural to mean coma ward) |
| Pox Docs - clap clinic (sexually transmitted disease clinic) doctors |
| PPP - Piss poor protoplasm |
| PPP,PPP - Piss-Poor Protoplasm, Probable Placement Problem |
| PPPPP - piss poor protoplasm poorly put-together (really old and/or decrepit) |
| PPA - Practicing Professional Alcoholic |
| PRATFO - Patient Reassured And Told to F*** Off |
| Pre-Detention Stress Disorder - a person who feigns medical symptoms when police handcuff him |
| Pre-stiff - terminally comatose patient. |
| PSLM (Por Si Las Moscas - because of the flies) (South America) - try some medications just in case (on a no-hope case) |
| Psychoceramics - psycho-geriatrics |
| Psycode - Code Blue in a psychiatric hospital i.e. patient passing out from the side effects of medication |
| Pucker Factor - the degree/speed of constriction of the surgeon's anal sphincter is directly proportional to the patient's risk of sudden death |
| Pumpkin Positive - a penlight shone into the patient's mouth/ear would encounter a brain so small that the whole head would light up |
| Purple (code purple) - when paramedics are called out to a dead body |
| Purple Plus - called out to collect a dead body that's started to fester |
| PVC Challenge - To intubate someone. |
| PWT - Po' (poor) White Trash (with a condition related to their lifestyle) |
| Q sign - Patient unconscious/terminal with mouth open and tongue hanging out; "Dotted Q" means flies land on tongue (dead/dying). Reversible Q-sign means you can push the patient's tongue back into the mouth to form the O-sign. Irreversible Q-sign means the tongue keeps falling back out of the mouth after it’s pushed back in (very bad sign) |
| Q-Tip - Elderly person (white haired old person) (Q-Tip is a cotton bud) |
| Quackpractor - chiropractor |
| Qwertyitis - what a doctor suffers from when he spends more time on a computer than with actual patients |
| QID - Queen in distress (hissy fit) |
| Rabbit - over-talkative (from slang "Rabbit & Pork - talk) |
| Radio-I-suppose-otope - imaging agent used in Unclear Medicine (Nuclear Medicine) |
| Raisin Farm - old person's home, geriatric ward etc (also Raisin Farmer - person who runs old persons' home) |
| Ralphie McYakkers - young drunks vomiting |
| Rapid Lead Infusion - obnoxious patient ought to be shot |
| Rays - radiology dept |
| RBG - Received by God (a person in receipt of a Celestial Transfer) |
| RBS - Really Bad Shape |
| Rear Admiral - proctologist |
| Rear Admiralty - proctology dept |
| Rectoencephalitis - head-up-own-ar5e syndrome |
| Red dot - physicians from India, relates to red dot on their forehead |
| Red pipe - artery (as opposed to "blue pipe" or vein) |
| Reeker - smelly patient |
| Removal men - dept of care of elderly people |
| Retrospectoscope - instrument of hindsight |
| Rheumaholiday - rheumatology (considered by hard-pressed juniors to be a less busy dept) |
| Ringo – (after Beatles drummer Ringo Starr) an expendable team member |
| Roach - a patient, usually a dirtbag/ingrate, that can't be killed despite near lethal complications of an already serious ailment |
| ROAD - Dermatologist. Acronym "Retired On Active Duty" Akin to "dermaholiday" |
| Road Chilli - Unrestrained driver/motorcyclist or passenger, ejected and splattered |
| Road Map - injuries incurred by going through a car windshield face first. |
| Road Map Abdomen - scarred from multiple ops (same as Gridiron Belly, Zorro Belly) |
| Road Pizza - Unrestrained driver/motorcyclist or passenger, ejected and splattered |
| Road Test - to get a drunk patient to walk up and down a corridor; if they pass they are turfed, if they fail they need a bit longer to sober up. |
| Roasted Goober - tumour after intensive cobalt treatment. |
| Rock - a patient that stays on your service forever |
| Rocket Room - a ward/unit where there are many deaths (many transfers to heaven) |
| Rocking horse stool - even rarer than hen's teeth |
| Rooters - indigents and hangers-on who gather in big-city emergency rooms in order to be entertained by legitimate cases. |
| Rose cottage - mortuary |
| Rothman's sign - tobacco staining of fingers |
| Rounding Up The Usual Suspects - Ordering a set of tests for a given set of symptoms |
| RPVU - Relative Porsche Value Unit: surgical index of potential income from the repair of patient injuries, usually orthopaedic in nature. Fractured finger = a windscreen wiper; a fractured hip = new tyres etc. |
| RT - Room Temperature (dead) |
| RTT with a BBB - Rat-a-Tat-Tat with a Baseball Bat (hit with blunt instrument). |
| Rudy Baga - Patient with terminal brain injury, persistent vegetative state (rutabaga is a vegetable). |
| Rule of Five - if more than five of the patient's orifices are obscured by tubing, he has no chance |
| Running Towards the Light - dying |
| S2 - Sit the f**k down and shut the f**k up |
| Saddles - Maternity sanitary towels (napkins), so called for their size and the bow-legged effect of wearing them |
| Samsonite Positive (Positive Samsonite Test) - someone who turns up in emergency with all their luggage (and insists on being admitted to a ward) |
| San Fran Twist - performing a prostate examination by hooking the index finger in a half-circle upon insertion into the rectum |
| Sarcoidosis - an actual disease, but a perfectly acceptable answer that may be included in ANY differential diagnosis |
| SAS - Sick As Sh*t |
| SBI - Something Bad Inside e.g. undiagnosed cancer/unexpected serious condition found when performing surgery |
| SBLEO - (pronounced S-B-Leo) Suicide By Law Enforcement Officer |
| SBOD - Stupid bitch/bastard on drugs |
| Scepticaemia - chronic condition suffered by two doctors in a debate over which therapy |
| Scrape and Staple - burns unit |
| Scratch and sniff - gynaecological examination |
| Scumdex - 1 pt for every tattoo, extra piercing, IVDU scar, etc. The higher the scumdex, the greater the likelihood of survival. See also TTI |
| Search and Rescue - Medics allocated to look after the patients dotted in non-medical wards |
| Sellout - Derogatory term for plastic surgeon in private practice |
| Sent Over the Hedges - sent to radiology |
| SEP - Somebody else's problem (not to be confused with sepsis) |
| September club - the students who have to return after summer holidays for retakes |
| Serum porcelain - battery of blood tests on an elderly patient |
| Serum rhubarb - What they test for at tertiary centres |
| SFS - Stinky Foot Syndrome (often related to homeless) |
| SF Scale - Sphincter Factor Scale: 1 to 10 scale indicating degree of bowel-loosening in response to an emergency |
| SHA - Ship His Ass (when patients refuse to be discharged). |
| SHAD - Syphilitic, Hypochondriac, Alcoholic Degenerate |
| Shadow gazer - radiologist |
| Shandy Tap - bloodless lumbar puncture |
| Shit and Get - to access a trauma patient, say to yourself "Oh Shit!", stabilize and transfer |
| Sh*ts & Spits - lab tech term for a patient's stool and sputum samples; also the instruction to obtain these samples |
| Short-Order Chefs - mortuary workers. |
| Shotgun Labs - to order many lab tests, hoping one will turn up an answer to a puzzling case |
| Shotgunning - Ordering of a vast array of tests in the hopes that one or other of them will give an idea of what is wrong with a patient |
| SHPOS - Sub-Human Piece of Sh*t |
| SHS - Sullen, Hostile, Stupid (often an inner city drug/alcohol addict) |
| Shy Turd - severe constipation |
| Sick - Really sick i.e. FTD (Fixing To Die) or CTD (Circling The Drain) |
| Sidewalk Souffle - (US) suicide-by-jumping |
| Sieve - a doctor who admits almost every patient he sees |
| SIG - Stroppy Ignorant Girl |
| SIG - (certain US regions) self-inflicted gerbil (anecdotal) |
| Significant History - HIV positive |
| Silver Bracelet Award - patient is a prisoner brought in wearing cuffs |
| Silver Goose, Silver Stallion - proctoscope. |
| Síndrome JEC - (Brazil) terminal patient ("Jesus Está Chamando" = "Jesus is calling"). |
| SIO - Sleeping It Off |
| Slashers - general surgeons |
| Slough - a patient inappropriately or unfairly unloaded from one hosptial unit on another |
| Slow Code (to China) - elderly very ill patient who wants everything done so they will not die. Everyone on the medical team disagrees |
| Smashola - patient with multiple blunt trauma injuries e.g. from car smash |
| Smellybridge - area between the anus and the back of the scrotum (perineum) |
| Smiling Mighty Jesus - (US) spinal meningitis (also Screamin' Mighty Jesus) |
| Smoke the Anaesthetic Cigar/Smoke the Camel - intubated |
| Smurf Sign - patient blue or going blue |
| SNEFS/M SNEFS - Subnormal (or Mentally Subnormal) Even For Suffolk (a rural English county) |
| Snow - to accidently give a patient too much medication/mixed medication so they go into an altered state of consciousness ("Don't snow that patient with Drug X and Drug Y at the same time!) |
| Snowed - being in a state of altered consciousness due to too much/mixed medication |
| SNUD - Sick Nigh Unto Death |
| SOB, SOB, SOB - Silly Old Bugger/B*stard/Bitch, Sitting Out of Bed/Sitting On Bed, Short Of Breath |
| SOCMOB - Standing On Corner Minding Own Business (when inexplicably injured) |
| SODDI - Some Other Doctor Did It (when one medic's botched jobs must be put right/answered for by someone else) |
| Sofa Surfer - homeless person who sleeps on friends' sofas and floors (ends up at A&E for "3 hots and a cot" when s/he has nowhere else to stay) |
| Soft Admission - an admission that only a "Sieve" would accept |
| SOG - Sick Old Guy (male version of LOL (Little Old Lady)) |
| Solomf yoyo - So long, mother-f*****, you're on your own (see "amyoyo syndrome") |
| Space cadet/Buzz Lightyear - confused patient (dementia or drug-related) |
| SPAK - Status Post Ass Kicking |
| Speed bumps - haemorrhoids |
| Spin the Patient - CT scan |
| Spots and dots - traditional set of childhood diseases - measles, mumps, and chicken pox |
| Squash - brain. |
| Squirrel - eccentric or hypochodriac ("squirrelly") patient who can make life difficult. Found in the phrase "squirrels get sick too" to remind staff that even eccentric patients may have a real medical problem |
| SRI - Something Wrong Inside (undiagnosable problem) |
| SSDD - Same Sh*t Different Day (in conjunction with Frequent Flyer) |
| Stage Mother - person accompanying patient and encouraging patient to exaggerate the complaint (often to obtain a particular diagnosis or to get an unnecessary prescription) |
| Stamp - skin graft |
| Status Hispanicus - (US) much like Acute Puerto Rican Syndrome. |
| Steel Sign - surgical metalwork from previous ops visible on x-ray |
| St Elsewhere - medical academia's term for any non-teaching hospital |
| Stem to Stern - throat to pubis incision |
| Stream team - urology dept |
| Stupidity Panel - lab test (for patient stupidity) that, when invented, will earns its inventor a fortune (i.e. thick patient) |
| Sturgeon - surgeon |
| Sucking The Peace Pipe – intubated |
| Summer Teeth - some are teeth and some aren't ... |
| Sunshine - how one addresses an entitled, arrogant patient |
| Supratentorial - above the falx tentorium/cerebellum i.e. psychosomatic e.g. supratentorial pain |
| SVRI - Something Very Wrong Inside (usually terminal) |
| SWAG - Scientific Wild Ass Guess |
| Sweet Milk/ Mother's Milk - Propofol; a reference to its milky appearance and pain-relieving use |
| SWI - Something Wrong Inside |
| SWW - Sick, wet and whiny (infant) |
| SYB - Save Your Breath (for patients who don't take advice) |
| Tachylordyosis (with the junctional Jesus) - Usually a middle-aged to older black female American with a complaint of "lordy, lordy, lordy, lordy, lordy, lordy", occasionally with the interspersed "Jesus" i.e. "lordy, lordy, lordy, lordy, Jesus help me, lordy, lordy" |
| Tachylawdia - as above (variant spelling), but without the "Jesus" |
| TAPS - Thick As Pig Sh*t |
| TARFU - Things are really f**cked up |
| Tash Test - observation suggestive of HIV status (presence of a Freddie Mercury-esque moustache) |
| TATT (or TAT) - Talks All The Time (also "Tired All The Time") |
| Tattoo Titre/T&T Sign - indication of patient insanity: more than 5 tattoos indicates likely crazy person |
| T&T Sign - Tattoo-to-Teeth Sign: survival indicator; those who are tattooed and toothless will survive major injuries |
| Taint Spot - Perineum: "It ain't this and it ain't that" |
| Taxidermy Consult - call for a taxidermist's consultation i.e. person about to die |
| Tax-Sucker - Someone who does not need an ambulance, but calls anyway because it's free |
| TBC - Total Body Crunch: multiple injuries |
| TBD - total body dolor i.e. complains of pain everywhere |
| TBP - Total body pain |
| TDS - Terminal deceleration syndrome (e.g. RTA death, high-rise syndrome, jump-suicides and parachute-failed-to-open) |
| TEC - Transfer to Eternal Care i.e. dead |
| TEETH - Tried Everything Else, Try Homeopathy |
| Testiculation – (male) consultant holds forth on a subject with expressive hand gestures, but has little knowledge of the subject. |
| TF BUNDY - Totally f*cked, but unfortunately not dead yet |
| TFO - Too F*cking Old (person dying of old age). |
| TFTB - Too Fat To Breathe |
| Thank You For This Interesting Consult - this is complete b*llsh*t |
| THC - Three hots and a cot; sought in A&E by the local homeless |
| The Fish Plant - Gynaecology/Obstetrics Ward (from Newfoundland, where fisheries is the main industry) |
| The Garden - neurological ICU where the vegetables (coma patients) live |
| The Promised Land - private practice/final year of medical school |
| Therapeutic Monitoring - monitoring a patient purely because it makes the doctor feel better. |
| Thorazine shuffle - the slow, lumbering gait of psychiatric patients dosed up on phenothiazines |
| Three-toed sloth - patient with diminished capacities, usually from long-term alcoholism |
| Throckmorton’s Sign - in the unconscious male, the penis points to the injury |
| TLC - Tube, Lavage & Charcoal (given to poisoning victim) |
| TLGP -Two Legged Guinea Pig - patient undergoing experimental or extreme treatments |
| TLR - Two Legged Rat - refers to a patient undergoing experimental or extreme treatments |
| TMB - Too Many Birthdays: person dying of "old age" |
| TMI - Three Meaningless Initials (e.g. John Smith, TMI - applied to medics with qualifications rather than ability) |
| Toaster - defibrillator |
| TOBP - Tired of Being Pregnant (especially patient demanding caesarian) |
| TOG - Tears of Gratitude |
| Tontine Treatment - Urge to put pillow over face of irritating patient (Tontine is a leading brand of pillows in Australia, also a type of will)腹立たしい,いらいらさせる |
| Tooth to Tattoo Ratio - Visual determination of basic intelligence. A positive ratio (more teeth then tattoos) is generally better than a negative ratio is bad. |
| Torture Room - Intensive Care Unit (due to invasive tubes and monitors and experimental treatments). |
| Tough stick - patient whose veins are hard to find when drawing blood |
| Toxic Confusional State - Confused, usually elderly, person whose problem is due to constipation (toxic build up in body) |
| Train Wreck / Shipwreck - a person with more hospital visits/diagnoses then they have years of life |
| Trambiclínica - (Brazil) a clinic staffed by medical students in order to maximise profits ("fraudulent clinic"). |
| Transcranial Lead Therapy - gunshot wound passing through head |
| Trans-occipital implants - bullet wound to the head |
| Trauma Gods - Mythological deities whom A&E personnel believe to be the cause of major emergencies |
| Trauma Handshake - digital rectal examination - every major trauma patient gets one |
| Trauma Twinkie - ambulance (one of the smaller or European-style ones) |
| Treat ’n’ street - A&E's term for quick patient turnaround |
| Trick cyclists - psychiatrists |
| Trigger Happy - a medic that gives a shot [injection] for everything or patient that used call button excessively. |
| TRO - Time ran out |
| Trubufu - (Brazil) African-Brazilian obstetric patient (literally "fat, ugly black woman"). |
| T-sign (UK) - the number of untouched cups of cold tea at a deceased patient's bedside. Used as an indicator of approximate time of death (i.e. the patient died but nobody noticed) |
| TSL - To Stupid to Live |
| TSS - Toxic Sock Syndrome (often related to homeless) |
| TTFO - Told To F*ck Off |
| TTJ – transfer to Jesus |
| TTR - (UK) Tea Time Review (a ripping yarn?) |
| TTOAST - Take Them Out and Shoot Them |
| TTR - (US) Tattoo-to-Tooth Ratio (Dirtbag Ratio) |
| TUBE - Totally Unnecessary Breast Examination (might happen to a GLM) |
| Turf - get rid of patient by referring to another team (see also buffing, sloughing and bouncing) |
| Turn and Baste - incontinence care (roll and clean up patient after a code brown) |
| Turtle's Head - in severe constipation where the anus is dilated and a faecal mass is visible (aka "shy turd") - the problem is, it starts to come out and then, like a turtle's head, it goes back in again! |
| TVTP - Tried Vancomycin, Try Prayer (Vancomycin is anti-MRSA drug – it’s resistant to anything else) |
| TWA - third world assassins. Slang for the allegedly poor medical care delivered by physicians who went to medical school in foreign countries |
| Twitch - hypochondriac |
| Two beers - the number of beers every patient involved in an alcohol-related automobile accident claims to have drunk before the accident |
| Two Dudes - a patient who was in a fight "Two dudes jumped me for no reason" (implying the patient would have one against one assailant) |
| Two Stops Short of West Ham - (Psychiatry) Barking mad. Barking is slang for "mad" and also the name of a station; it is 4 stops from West Ham, but the psych slang follows the formula "2 sandwiches short of a picnic", "Tuppence short of a shilling" (simple-minded/nuts) - the deficit is alway 2 items. Severe madness is "Dagenham" i.e. "3 stops beyond Barking". |
| TWSAM - Trash Will Survive And Multiply |
| UBI - Unexplained Beer Injury |
| UDI - Unidentified Drinking Injury |
| UFO - Unidentified Frozen Object: unidentified dead homeless person in the winter |
| UGLI – Ugly: a patient (usually a child) who looks a bit odd but has nothing wrong with them ULPP - Unlicensed Pharmaceutical Provider (drug dealer) |
| Unborn Farts/Retained Farts - abdominal bloating due to trapped wind (gas) |
| Unclear medicine - nuclear medicine |
| Unfascinectomy - long slog of a procedure |
| Unfascinoma - long procedure, now getting longer or a procedure that fascinates specialist diagnosticians, but isn't fascinating surgeons |
| UNIVAC - Unusually Nasty Infection, Vultures are Circling |
| UPF - Un-Passed Fart (gaseous distended abdomen) |
| Urban Outdoorsman - Homeless person |
| VAC - Vultures are Circling (dying) |
| Vampires - those who take blood samples, e.g. lab techs (also slang for blood donor service) |
| VBA - Valuable Breathing Air i.e. what some patients or doctors are wasting |
| VBT - Very Bad Thing |
| VD - Veak and Dizzy; older person feeling vaguely unwell and presents at ER at 2am complaining of feeling "weak and dizzy" |
| Vedgy - a patient requiring intensive care, incapable of movement |
| Vegetable garden - Coma ward |
| Velcro - Family or friends accompanying patient everywhere |
| Veranda - area in front of nurse's station where the porch people sit (see Porch People) |
| Very Close Veins - varicose veins |
| Viaggravation - what a doctor gets from a patient who is demanding erectile dysfunction medication on the NHS (not all areas of the UK provide this on NHS) |
| VOMIT - Victim Of Modern Imaging Technology (i.e. try treating the patient, not the report from radiology; particularly referring to invasive procedures for false positives. |
| VIP - Very intoxicated person |
| Virgin Abdomen - patient that has never had abdominal surgery before and therefore has little intra-abdominal scarring |
| Vitamin A - Ativan |
| Vitamin D – Diesel (ambulance term). "Give it some Vitamin D" means drive faster |
| Vitamin H - Haldol; in the case of a drug addict, it means Heroin |
| Vitamin K - Ketamine. Also called "Special K" (street name) |
| Vitamin L - Lasix, Levaquin or other familiar drug beginning with L |
| Vitamin M – Morphine |
| Vitamin P - Lasix (diuretic) given to stimulate urination (peeing) in post-operative patients; can also mean Prozac |
| Vitamin V - Valium, Diazepam or any intravenous sedative; in General Practice it is Viagra |
| Vitamin Z – Zosyn or Zoloft |
| VOMIT - Victim Of Modern Imaging Technology (i.e. try treating the patient, not the report from radiology; particularly referring to invasive procedures for false positives. |
| VTMK - Voice To Melt Knickers (the voice deliberately cultivated by some doctors) |
| WADHAO - weak and dizzy and hurt all over |
| WAFTAM - ("woff-tam"): Waste Of F***Ing Time And Money |
| Wall - a doctor who resists admitting patients at all costs |
| Wallet Biopsy - (US) free medical test performed by hospital insurance department before patient is treated (UK) similar test in private health sector |
| Walmart Greeters (Porch People) - Confused patients sitting in chairs in hall for close observation |
| Ward 101 - The source of referrals that fills the recipient with dread. (after Room 101 in George Orwells novel 1984) |
| Ward X - the morgue |
| Weed Puller - Obstetrician |
| White cloud - a on-call doctor who has uneventful call nights. As opposed to a Black Cloud |
| White Lizard - the white coloured "cocktail" given for stomach problems (Black Lizard is similar "cocktail" but contains activated charcoal) |
| White Mice - tampons |
| Wifty - Mildly confused, but seems oriented most of the time Wig picker - therapist or psychologist |
| Wilkinson's Syndrome - a patient who has slashed their wrists with a razor blade (after a popular brand of razor) |
| Will Follow From A Distance - will check your lab results, but will never set foot in your room again |
| William - (UK) chiropedist i.e. William the corn-curer (William the Conqueror) |
| Win the Game (or Yahtzee) - to discharge all of the patients from your service, so that you have no inpatients (i.e. no ward rounds) next day. |
| Winner - a patient with very good luck |
| Witch doctor - specialist in internal medicine |
| WITPOMS - Why Is This Patient On My Service |
| WNL - (Ambulance/casualty) Within Normal Limits, but more often interpreted as We Never Looked |
| WNL - Will Not Listen; patient won't take medical advice |
| WoGS - Wrath of God Syndrome (visited upon junior medics by more senior staff) |
| WOMBAT - Waste Of Money, Brains And Time |
| Woolly jumper - any non-acute physician |
| Woolworth's Test - (UK anaesthesia) if you can imagine patient shopping in Woolies, it's safe to give a general anaesthetic |
| WWI - Walking while intoxicated (and fell over) |
| Wrinkly - geriatric |
| YAVIS - Young, attractive, verbal, intelligent, successful. |
| YMRASU - Your Medical Records Are Screwed Up |
| YOYO - You're on your own; see "amyoyo" and "solomf yoyo" (also message passed from one doctor to another regarding problem/mystifying cases) |
| Zebra - an unusually strange or unexpected disease (from the saying "When you hear hoofbeats, the smart money is on horses, not zebras") |
| Zorro belly - (Brazil) patient who has had multiple abdominal surgeries. |
| Note: Any dept ending in "-ology" is likely to be nicknamed "-holiday" by those working in busier depts. |
